Rei Vs Cats
by pheonixspike
Summary: What happens when a certain red head gets her hands on a certain cat potion? Chaos ensues! extended summary in profile sheet.
1. Round 1

Well, I plan on making this a semi short fic, probably no more than 5 or so chapters. This is gonna be a Rei torture fic which I hope all will love. You don't see to many of these around and it just came to me in a day dream.

Also I do not own Evangelion or any characters.

Rei VS. Cats

Round 1

Asuka was pissed. No she was beyond pissed. An N2 mine looked as harmful as a fly compared how volatile the red headed German was right now. First both she and baka boy had woken up late for school. Then she found out that she had forgotten her lunch back in the apartment. Then when she went to the cafeteria to get lunch, all they had left was stale rolls from the day before. Now that school was over, she was now walking over to NERV for synch tests. _'I swear to god, if this day gets any worse I'm gonna… I'm gonna….' _Alas, that chain of thought was never completed as a car sped by and splashed a puddle of muddy water all over her…

"THAT'S IT! MUST. KILL. SOMETHING. **NOW!**"

But just as she was looking for someone to maim, her eyes fell upon a sign in a pet store. _'what the..'_ she thought. She couldn't help but gawk at it. for a moment she thought she was dreaming. In big bold letters the sign read 5 little words that would prove to be the start of living hell for one of her fellow pilots.

**CAT LOVE POTION ON SALE**

And before she knew it Asuka was standing by the front counter looking at the display behind the counter. Asuka was transfixed by the love potion display. "This has got to be a joke…"

"I'm afraid not little miss."

Asuka turned to her left and saw a fragile looking old woman walking behind the counter. "I'm afraid it's not meant for normal cat owners though. More for cat breeders than anything else."

"So… how does it work?" asked the second child, all the while the gears in her head were turning thinking on how she could use it to her advantage.

"Heh, well a common problem for cat breeders since second impact has been that the cat population has dropped significantly. So this potion when sprayed on a cat will attract other cats to them constantly. Which would greatly increase the chance of the cats reproducing." The old woman had answered as she handed a bottle to Asuka. "But there are side effects, most handlers that come into contact with it too much have had the cats attracted to them. Hehe, it's like super catnip."

she just looked at the bottle almost transfixed. It had a spray attachment on the top of it to apply it. Asuka was too absorbed by what was told to her. _'How stupid was the person who had inv-…' _all of a sudden a light bulb the size of a beach ball went off in her mind. _'But there are side effects, most handlers that come into contact with it too much have had the cats attracted to them.' _an evil smirk gracing her face as a plot came to mind. _'I think I know how to put this to good use. Muhahaha… _

"Umm… miss are you ok?"

"what?" asked the startled girl. "Yea I'm fine I'll take a bottle, no wait make that 2. And do you have some gloves, I don't want to get this crap all over me."

And thus, a red head skipped out of the store with a brown bag thinking of all the fun she was gonna have with a certain fellow pilot.

Deep in NERV, a Rei Ayanami gave a sneeze.

_'hmm.. strange…'_

_Well there's the first chapter, I hope you all enjoyed it! Please write reviews to let me know how it is and if I can improve. I'll try to update as regularly as I can. See you next time!_

_Next Round:_

_Asuka strikes! Let it begin!_


	2. Round 2

Again I do not own Evangelion. Here's chapter 2 so please read and review!

Round 2

Asuka Strikes! Let it begin!

Asuka smiled an evil smile as Rei opened her locker to put on her uniform. "Are you feeling well Pilot Soryu?" asked Rei.

"Just fine wonder girl, just fine."

**20 minutes earlier…**

"Ok, I'm confused. She came in looking like hell, then you chew her out for being late. But she's all smiles and even her synch ratio went up by five points. Any ideas Ritz?" asked Misato. She was looking at the plug video feed with a hysterically grinning Asuka. "I mean the last time I saw her remotely this happy was when she had Shinji hanging from the school flag pole in a dress. Now this, I'm terrified at what the hell she could have come up with now."

"ha, I remember that, no one could get poor Shinji down because they were laughing so hard."

"That's not the point!"

Ritsuko gave a smirk to her friend, "C'mon Misato, you can't say that wasn't one of the greatest things you ever saw." The good doctor couldn't remember the last time she laughed so hard that she actually passed out for a brief minute. "Or do you not remember how I had to use that emergency defillabrator to bring you out of cardiac arrest?"

"Oh! Shut up! I still get this tingly feeling." Misato messaged her left shoulder. "But getting back to Asuka, if Shinji wasn't here, I'd be running around town trying to find him." Receiving a glare from her blonde friend she let out a sigh, "ok, more like running around with some popcorn and beer."

"Thought so. But I don't think there is anything we should really be worried about. Maybe she's got a date with Kaji or something." But despite her best to reassure her friend, she was definatly unnerved by the aura of happiness given of by the second child. Then she heard something that sent shivers thru her spine.

"Misato, Dr. Akagi, may I please go early? I know I was late but I promise I will make it up tomorrow. Pretty please, with a cherry on top?" She asked like an eight year trying to get ice cream. She even batted her eye lashes and gave a pout.

"uh… ok?"

She then exited out the plug and started skipping down to the locker rooms giggling all the way. Everyone was stunned at what they saw. Everyone was starting to panic, many wondered if the girl had gotten her hands on an N2 mine or such. Shinji was the worse off, he was almost in convulsions. _'I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, oh screw this! I got to get the hell out of Tokyo 3 like yesterday!'_

"Uh, Misato? I'm scared."

"I know Ritsuko, God I know."

**10 minutes after that…**

A mischievous Asuka pulled open Ayanami's locker. _'This is gonna be great! I hope your ready for the extra attention wonder girl.' _She then commenced to putting on rubber gloves. Looking inside her eyes bugged out. Expecting to see only her clothes and one or two simple things, it looked exactly like some fan girls school locker. Sure it had her uniform hanging there but the whole locker was outlined in baby blue with pictures lining the walls. _'What the hell? Brad Pitt? Justin Timberlake? Ok, this is freaky.'_

Giving off a shrug she just picked up the bottle and sprayed everything inside. After a couple minutes she closed up the locker and put the bottle back in the bag. After throwing out the gloves and going back to her locker to change, Rei walked in to change. She looked over to her fellow pilot with curiosity. _'She is overly happy. Last time she was happy pilot Ikari went thru the dress ordeal. I can only hope he will live thru whatever she has planned.'_

Poor girl never knew what was coming…

Asuka smiled an evil smile as Rei opened her locker to put on her uniform. "Are you feeling well Pilot Soryu?" asked Rei.

"Just fine wonder girl, just fine."

**Outside Nerv**

Now that the synch test was over, Rei started her normal walk home. She had started to think what she was going to have for dinner when she noticed something in her path. She looked down and saw a black cat sitting on the sidewalk right in front of her. Not thinking anything of it she started to walk around it to the right when the cat moved in front of her and stopped her again. Eyeing it oddly, she went to move to the left and the cat mimicked her move, again to sit right in front of her.

"Meow"

"Please move."

Then in a swift motion the cat leaped for her and latched on to her left shoe. The poor girl had been startled and fell down on her backside. She kicked out her leg to get it off but it didn't let her go. "Please unhand.. err.. unclaw my shoe." Thinking for a moment on how silly it probably looked to be talking to the cat, Rei stood up and began kicking her foot to dislodged the offending feline. After about five minutes of this, the cat finally flew off and into an ally. Inspecting her now shredded shoe one could almost see the vein popping out of her forehead. _'Those were brand new.' _Unfortunately for Rei, she was paying to much attention to her shoe rather than the white cat jumping towards her from behind.

"**YEEEOOOUUUCCCHHH!!**"

Rei turned her head around and there was a white cat, attached to her skirt and more importantly, her left leg.

"meow"

Turning to the sound she saw the first cat running back to her. In one quick motion she pried the white one off and chucked it at the black one sending both back into the alley. But what happened next unnerved her a bit. Both got up and looked at her with gleeful eyes, despite having been thrown around. _'I do not know what is going on, but it appears these cats are looking for a confrontation of sorts.' _Getting into a crouch position she decided to use the most important skill she acquired after years of combat training.

She ran like hell…

She looked back and was shocked to see the cats were not only actually giving chase, but there were four of them now. _'I believe the correct term for this would be WHAT THE HELL?' _Running around a corner she ran into a building and closed the glass door. Two seconds later six cats ran by. Regaining her breath only one thing came to mind. "Cats?"

Then a voice from behind startled her, "Well normally we don't have any for adoption since there are not too many around, but your in luck my girl! We got this cute little kitten in earlier today and his fur even matches you exotic hair!"

Turning around Rei saw an old woman standing there with a small blue kitten in her hands. She looked around and saw a sign that read pet store but the store was crossed out and had adoption written below it. She turned back to the old woman, "I'm sorry but I think there is a misunderstanding."

"Nonsense! Here you go!" the woman exclaimed as she thrusted the kitten into Rei's arms.

"But…"

"Here's all you need," the woman shoved a bag into Rei's hands before pushing her out the door, "liter box, kitty liter, food and such. Don't worry I'm sure you will be fine. Take care!" She yelled as she shut the door before Rei could say anything. Looking down at the blue kitten, she was confused.

"mew" The little kitten meowed its tiny cry to Rei.

"What am I suppose to do with you?" then several meows came from here left and she tensed up. "Figure it out later! More running, now!"

And so the girl ran off to her apartment with a small sky blue kitten between her arms.

Meanwhile the old woman watched as eight cats ran by the door. She began to rub her hands together and gave off an eerie smile.

"Yes, my scenario is coming to light."

_Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please write a review to let me know how I'm doing. Also need some recommendations to name her kitten. Next chapter: Rei settles her kitten in and heads to school!_

_Next round:_

_Math plus Cats Equals Hell!_


	3. Round 3

Welcome to round 3 everyone! I'm slowly but surely starting to break down Rei's little world. This chapter the T rating is gonna be come into play, but I just couldn't help myself, I am an evil bastard of course! Thanks so far on the name suggestions but I'm gonna give it one more chapter before naming him. I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

Round 3

Math Plus Cats Equals Hell

**Slam!**

Rei Ayanami slammed the door behind and was huffing and puffing from lack of breath. "Maybe huff I need to huff start working out?" Her left arm felt like it was going to fall off from carrying the full bag of cat supplies. She wiped her brow with her right hand as she was thinking how she really needed to do something about her lack of physical abilities. _'The run was only 2 blocks away from where I had received this kitten. This is most unacceptable, for if an angel was to att-'_

She froze as she was looking down at her right hand from wiping the sweat away. _'Empty.' _Then she looked at her left holding the bag of kitten supplies. Which was fine and dandy with one exception, she wasn't holding a kitten. She looked at the door and could hear the distant meowing coming from the various cats that were trying to mob her earlier. Then the thought came to mind of the poor defenseless kitten out there with them. On one hand, she was glad that she was ridden of the kitten. There was no way she possessed the knowledge to take care of such an animal. On the other hand, a civil servant gave her the kitten to care for. So the act of caring for it could be seen as a service to the city, so not taking care of it would make bad publicity for Nerv. And the final, most important, yet most embarrassing reason for Rei… she thought it was cute. Sure she was no animal lover, but when it looked at her it had bright green eyes, sky blue hair, and that cute little meow. Even the girl with little to no emotions had her heart melted by the little furball.

So with a sigh and shaking her head clear of how cute it looked, Rei made up her mind. She turned to the door and took a few deep breathes. She made her plan. She was gonna run out and around till she found the kitten, then run to the Nerv and sleep in her entry plug with the kitten. _'ok, so it isn't much of a plan but it must be done. on three. One. Two.'_

"mew"

'_mew! Wait mew?' _Rei lost her balance and she almost hit the ground from trying to run and stop all on one leg. After regaining her composure she started looking franticly for the blue feline. It was close to her, but after looking around the floor she saw nothing. She was now doubting she heard it and starting to prep again to make a mad dash for the cat when she heard another meow from it.

"mew"

She looked again and looked in the bag. Nothing. It was the kittens baby meow alright but it almost sounded muffled but was close. Then it hit her. _'Don't tell me…' _she looked down at herself and pulled her collar open and out popped it's head.

"mew"

Rei was silent. She didn't know whether she wanted to hug the kitten seeing it was safe, or whether to throw it against the wall for 'settling' in the spot between her and her bra. So she compromised. She plucked it out and looked at him with her best death glare. Grant it she wasn't Soryu, but she picked up some things from when Asuka glared at Shinji.

"mew" It happily meowed as if she was smiling. Rei just sighed and hung her head in defeat, she couldn't even strike fear into a cat. "Well lets set up your stuff then, I believe there's a cat bed in the bag for you." So she spent the next hour feeding and setting up the kitten's stuff. After setting him down on his bed Rei got herself ready for bed. After showering and putting on new underwear, she slipped under her covers for some much needed sleep. The kitten was still on his little bed but didn't feel comfortable enough to sleep. As far as it was concerned it was missing it's mama's warmth. So he got up and began trudging up the covers…

**Next day**

Rei awoke to her alarm ringing and reached over and turned it off. She started to stretch but immediately stopped. A blush automatically came to her face as she felt a strain from her bra and fur on her chest. She thru the covers back and sure enough, buried in that same spot was the kitten. It woke up from the actions and greeted her with a morning meow. "Why, or should I say how did you get there without me knowing?" she asked as she plucked it out again. Strangely she could almost hear as if a popping sound was made when she pulled him out. Rei settled the kitten down and just decided to figure it out later. Getting up from her bed, she looked over to her night stand and noticed a flash coming from her cell phone. _'It's a message from the commander.'_

"_**Rei I am calling you to remind you of the time change. Tomorrow the time is moved ahead one hour so do…"**_

She never heard the rest as she started to run about changing as fast as possible to not be late. In less than two minutes she was heading out the door and turned to the kitten. Unfortunately she didn't see it so she decided that the cat would be fine till she got back tonight. _'I already set out food and the liter box last night so everything should be fine' _she thought. So she closed the door and she was off running. Had anyone remained in the apartment they would have heard a dozen cat meows and a small yelp soon after her leaving. But there was no one there to hear it, not even a little kitten…

**10 minutes later…**

Rei crashed thru the front door of the school and closed it shut behind her. Again she was huffing and puffing. _'Really huff gotta start huff working puff out.' _She then stood up and looked over herself. For a girl who didn't know what emotions really were or how to convey them, she was on the brink of almost crying. Her shoe was shredded from the night before and her skirt was frayed and had tiny holes here and there. Her left sleeve was tattered and her hair looked like she was stuck head first in a blender.

**BBBRRRIIINNNGGG!!**

And now she was late. She had never been late. She was either on time, left early because of Nerv, or didn't show at all because of Nerv. She was never late, much less for her own actions or inactions. She pondered whether to just leave and blame it on Nerv, or stay and potentially ruin her good track record. She looked out the door and sitting there patiently were nine cats of various sizes and shapes. "Yea… screw it, I am not going back out there."

When she managed to bring herself to the door of class 2-A, she opened it up and immediately drew the attention of the class. The entire class were gawking at her appearance, all except two. One was Shinji, who looked to be writing a will out. Apparently the boy tried to run away but was returned 14 times to his residence during the night by section two. After the eighth time Misato had just left the door open for section two to return Shinji because she needed to sleep rather than answer the door for them . Asuka was the other, but even though she wasn't as shocked as the others at seeing Ayanami in this state, she had a lecherous grin on her face. '_Guess it worked. Now to deal some verbal blows out.'_

"So wonder girl, looks like you got yourself in a bit of a cat fight!"

"Asuka! that's mean!" yelled Hikari, "Poor Rei got into a fight with some girls and all you can do is make fun of here! C'mon Asuka can't you at least try to-"

"Cats"

Hikari immediately stopped her and turned a questionable look towards Rei, "Um… what about cats Miss Ayanami?"

"It was a fight, with cats."

The whole class got quiet and gave her an odd look while Asuka continued snickering. But then a strange noise was heard. It had sounded almost like scratching.

"meow"

Everyone snapped behind them toward the window and saw a cat had climbed the tree that was just outside it. Now no one thought this was a real problem except one person because she knew what the cat was gonna try to do. In a whirl, a blue toped tornado flew past the students and slammed the window shut just as the cat leapt, causing the poor feline to smack face first into it and fall into the bushes below. Then it had registered to everyone that the object that had moved at impossible speeds was Ayanami as she was now sliding down the wall in a state of minor relief. Some of the other girls including Hikari had gotten upset that the cat might have gotten hurt but they were broken out of their state by the yell of another student. "Holy crap! Look there's like 10 of them now on the branch!"

At this everyone saw Rei tense up like she was having a stroke but then she calmed down. _'They're outside, I'm inside. They can't get to me here. Just calm down and try to get thru class like everything is normal.' _So Rei picked herself up and sat at her desk while the rest of the class continues to gawk at her. Eventually they went back to whatever they were doing while the sensei babbled on about second impact and such. Only now the message boards and emails were flowing around about Rei's "friends."

Rather than look out the window towards all the cats or answer the dozen of emails she just received from her fellow classmates, she just decided she would read her book. But before she could even begin to reach for her book the same feeling from this morning flooded over her and she began to blush furiously. _'You have got be kidding…' _She could feel the fur move under her shirt as a little blue head popped out of her collar looking forward._ 'What the hell!? Why didn't I feel him earlier? Do I have like a dead zone of feeling between my breasts or something!?'_ Rei starting to glance around nervously hoping she hadn't attracted any attention yet. _'Good, no one has noticed. If I can just stuff him back in, then ask to go to the restroom, I'll put him in my bag and hopefully keep him there the whole day.' _But just as she was about to shove the furry animal down, he did the worst thing possible to attract attention to it.

"mew"

Immediately Rei straightened up like a board and looked around. Sure enough, everyone was looking at her, or more or less her kitten tucked in her shirt. Even Asuka and Shinji were stunned. _'If you do exist god, I'm going straight up there AND SHOVING UNIT ZERO'S FOOT UP YOUR ASS!!'_

Seconds passed by and nobody said anything or even moved. They were in shock to say the least. Here was a girl that showed no emotions at all and is always quiet and perfect. Yet today she looked like she went thru a street brawl, had a cat poking out her shirt, and looking quite mentally unstable right now. Rei started thinking what could possibly happen next, then she received an answer.

"mew"

"He's so cute!"

"Awww"

"Kawaii!"

"Can I hold him please?"

'_Screw the foot, I'M SHOVING THE WHOLE LEG UP THERE YOU BASTARD!'_

**Meanwhile…**

"Umm sir, why are you packing a suitcase?"

"Because I am going away for a little bit Sachiel. It won't be long so don't worry, I'll be back when she doesn't have an eva anymore or till she dies off."

"Uh, sir? You know she's a clone right? They can keep making new ones."

"Aww crap…"

_Well, that's it for this chapter, hope you enjoyed it! Also don't forget to review and let me know if I can improve. Next chapter: The rest of the school day continues and Gendo finds out about the kitten!_

_Next round:_

_Commander's Judgment!_


	4. Round 4

_Ok, so I lied about this chapter. I haven't made it yet to Nerv yet so the commander will have to wait another chapter. I couldn't help it, there was so much to write about during the school day that this chapter only made it half way thru the day. Although this chapter deals more of the kids then the cats I still find it hilarious. And I would also like to thank everyone (cough - three whole people) that put in there input for the cats name. I actually decided to go with NefCanuck's suggestion but the English meaning. Also I'm sorry for the time between updates, between finding work and life and stuff I don't have time to write as I would like. Well I hope you all enjoy this next chapter and please review. I'm begging ya here!

* * *

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Round 4

Lunchbox woes

"Aww, c'mon Ayanami, please?"

"No."

"How about me, can I hold it?"

"No."

"C'mon Ayanami, let us hold it."

"No."

"But aya-"

"**I said no!**"

Everyone immediately took a step back from the distraught girl like she was brandishing a chain saw. For all they knew she very well might pull one out like the cat.

"No need to get _frisky_wondergirl, so calm down before we need to _declaw _you." Said a bubbly Asuka. _'Sweet! I didn't think that it would really work. Good thing I brought the bottle today. This is going to be great!'_"And if your good I'm sure I can get Misato to get you some catnip or something."

_Twitch._

Everyone immediately took another step back as they could start to see Rei's right eye starting to twitch. With as much control she possibly had, she slowly raised her hand and flipped Asuka off. But despite being flipped off, Asuka was snickering as she had finally found the wrong button to push against Rei, and she was slamming her fist on said button. Seeing the situation starting to get out of control, Hikari stepped between the two to try to calm everyone down.

"Ok everyone, please calm down now. Now everyone, back to your seats and Ayanami just keep a hold on to… uh, what's his name?"

"I have not given a designation to this feline." replied Rei. Unfortunately this just resumed the insanity as they all started shouting names at the poor girl.

"How about Sam?" "C'mon be more creative, like how about Joe?" "Ooh! How about Sally?" "Sally? It's a boy cat!" "Everyone get back to your seats now!" "I know! How about Hugo?" "No way."

Rei could start feeling her eye starting to twitch again as the commotion around her continued. _'If they keep this up I'm going to go insane. I think that maybe I should have taken my chances with the cats outside. I swear if they do not cease this I'm…'_

Asuka then showed her genius ability to push people's insanity button "I know! Since it seems to like the spot it's in, how about Bazookas? Wait never mind, It's Wondergirl, so it would more likely be named cherry bombs or something." Everyone instantly froze as they saw Ayanami appear to have start twitching rapidly.

'_That's it, I'm gonna kill them all.' _Rei thought in a way to calm yet creepy way.

Instantly everyone started to back away from the blue headed girl as they saw her go thru a subtle, yet frightening transformation. Her hair actually started to curl up in random directions as a broad, yet insane looking smile graced her face. They could see the veins in her arms be more pronounced from the adrenaline being pumped thru them. Some students would even go as far as say she had electricity sparking around her. Asuka took in a deep breath and held it in. _'This is it! I actually pissed her off past insanity! God I wish I had my camera right now! Oh well, I probably won't live to print the pictures after she goes postal anyways, but my god! This has got to be the happiest day of my life!'_

But just as all was about to be ripped apart by Rei, a small voice from the back of the room finally made itself known since the school day began. "How about naming him Blue? After all he does have the same exotic hair color as you so it would be a nice name for him."

Everyone turned to see that Shinji Ikari had just gave a name suggestion. Many were already making vows to haunt him after their death for pushing a near going postal Rei some more. But as they turned back for their presumed demise they faltered a bit. Rei had stopped in mid postal transformation and thought for a second. Then her features softened and returned to normal. "That is an acceptable name. I believe I will name him Blue."

Everyone immediately face faulted at this. Poor Asuka was the worst. Her jaw had dropped as far down as it could go with her eyes as wide as saucers. She looked like if you poke her with a stick she would fall over and shatter. _'So… close… why?'_She then slowly turned to the cause of her robbed victory. Shinji immediately turned white as he saw the fiery death glare he was receiving from Asuka. As soon as it dawned that he probably wouldn't live to see lunch, he took off outside like his life depended on it. And luck would have it, his speed would prove to save his life as Asuka ran after him wielding a miniature version of her prog knife. Afterwards, the rest of the class sat down and resumed their day, all the while taking glances at Rei with her kitten's head sticking out her collar. The only disturbance during the rest of the morning would be the sound of yelling and screaming of Shinji being chased by Asuka outside in the halls.

Finally lunch had arrived and everyone had decided to eat in the cafeteria since it was a hot day. The three stooges were sitting together with Hikari and a slightly simmering Asuka. Poor Shinji kept looking between Asuka and the prog knife sticking out of the table. _'Dear god, When did Nerv make a chibi working prog knife? And who's brilliant idea was it to give her one?!'_

* * *

Two weeks prior

"Finally! It's done!" yelled an excited Asuka. She stood in the middle of an old abandon lab/workshop that Nerv didn't use anymore. Her appearance would surprise anyone who saw her at that moment. She had her hair pulled back in a pony tail while wearing some store bought reading glasses to help her magnify and read small things. With a tool belt under her lab coat and tools sticking out her pockets, someone who would pass by at a glance would just think that it was Dr. Akagi with dyed red hair. Holding up over her head was a miniature version of her Unit 02's prog knife. But this was far superior to it's original design. After Asuka had "borrowed" some of Akagi's notes, she created something that would make the original look like a rubber knife.

'_Sweet! Mini S2 organ in the format of a 1 gig computer chip means unlimited energy for the knife! The S2 chip also means unlimited blades as they are regenerated and also will never dull! Plus I can activate an improved A.T. field that is enough to not only protect the user but make it undetectable to the Magi. And of course it's Mp3 compatible! Dr. Akagi has nothing on my intelligence!'

* * *

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Back to present

Shinji was seriously considering his escape routes as he looked on as Asuka was now somehow listening to music from her knife. Even Hikari had moved slightly away from the red head as she looked like she was petting her mp3/knife thingy. "Umm, Asuka, just exactly how did you get a glowing knife that can play music?" asked the slightly nervous class rep. "What? This little toy, it was pretty easy to make. I even put an S2 organ into it for unlimited energy."

Everyone just stared slack jawed at her. Finally Shinji snapped out of his stupor, "You made that and you put an S2 organ in there?!" Asuka just nodded. "They haven't figured out how to put an S2 organ in our Eva's and your telling me you have found a way to put one in a knife?"

Asuka just beamed with pride for what she was going to say, "It's not my fault that our scientists are idiots. Here, I'll prove it." She then extended her knife and broke off two pieces of her knife. Then to everyone's amazement, it regenerated on the inside that housed the extra segments of the blade. Poor Shinji was now on the verge of a mental break down. _'Dear god, do you hate me that much? If she can make that and call it a toy I'm afraid what she could make if I really piss her off. I am so dead.'_

"This is nothing yet though. The past week I've been working on a way to add an actual pair of balls to your Eva so when you get hit there the pain will transfer to you." Asuka gave a big sigh, "When it's complete and we do the simulators I'm gonna have so much fun kicking you every moment I can. I'm also configuring a way to add enhancers to Unit 02's right leg to improve on the force delivered. But I keep running into a power problem. My design can't be supported by the Eva's current power plug. I'm gonna have to make an S2 battery or something to get the extra power I need."

Just as Shinji began to wallow in self pity and Hikari making mental notes never to piss off Asuka, a crash was heard from the front of the cafeteria. There at the front was a panting Rei with Blue poking out her collar. On the other side of the glass door was five cats pawing at it trying to get to her. She made her way over to the stooges, Hikari, and the second child. "Mew."

"Hi there Blue" "Hello Blue" "Yo Blue"

Rei could no doubt feel her eye begin to twitch again as she witnessed her fellow peers greet her kitten while they completely ignored her. But just as she was about to kill the stooges and class rep (hey she may be going postal, but she's not dumb. Asuka + petting knife means stay the hell away) Shinji came to the unknown rescue of his classmates again. "Hi there Ayanami. You look pretty tired, you should get some food to charge yourself up."

Rei calmed down and began to look around the table and noticed that they had the whole selection of meals available that day. Hamburgers, Pork chops, or drumsticks. "unfortunately it looks like I will not be eating today seeing how they are only serving meat products."

"You know Ayanami, if you would eat some meat it would give you the protein and energy to outrun your little friends a bit more than your standard diet." Toji explained while he was salivating over his now fully dressed hamburger. Rei looked at Toji as though he was a savior who knew the meaning of life. "Is this true Suzahara?"

"Yup, that's why you'll never see me on a vegan's diet!" Toji shouted with closed eyes as he went to grab his burger. When he grabbed nothing but air he opened his eyes and saw that his meal was missing. "Alright who gra-" He stopped mid yell. In front of him he saw everyone's jaws wide open with Shinji pointing to his left. He looked to his left and thought he must have been in a dream. There was his burger alright, being devoured by one Rei Ayanami. No one dared say a word for fear that the universe might fold onto itself or such.

Rei looked up from the half eaten burger at her classmates and decided to give an explanation before they went into cardiac arrest. "I am currently ill prepared for the crisis I am currently experiencing. So if eating meat will help I am willing to try anything." All the while she gave this explanation, Blue decided to take a few bites of the meat himself and gave a content baby meow.

"Um, look Ayanami, first off that was my burger! What right do you have that-" **SLAM!**

Poor toji had his head rammed into the table by Rei as she continued to eat the burger with her other hand. Toji promptly collapsed into a heap on the ground as spurts of blood sprayed out his nose. A small whimper could barely be heard from him as he drifted towards dream land, "I mean, go right on ahead…"

And with that said, no one else dare opposed Rei during the meal. Hell, even Asuka was feeling a little bit nervous as she gripped her prog knife a little tighter. Which of course, that action was making poor Shinji a little more panicked then normal.

* * *

_Well I hoped you liked this chapter, please don't forget to review now! Next chapter: the rest of the school day and finally getting to Gendo. Honest. I mean it. It will happen! I think…_

_Next round:_

_Commander's Judgment!_


	5. Round 5

_Yay! I knocked out this chapter in a day, I'm so proud of myself! Well in this chapter the school day wraps up as a plot shows up again from chapter two. Yes I didn't forget I left a little something of a plot behind in chapter two. And yes, Gendo does make his appearance in this chapter, just like I promised! Again please review to let me know what you think and such. Enjoy!_

_Round 5_

_Commander's judgment!

* * *

___

_**Click.**_

Asuka just closed a locker in front of her with a gleaming smile covering her face. She couldn't help but feel Giddy on how miserable Rei currently was as she now walked away from the girl's gym locker. She took off the rubber glove she had in her hand and threw it and the empty spray bottle into the trash can she just passed._ 'Sweet, swim class. She will have no choice but to go outside and wear her now "attractive" swim suit hehehe…'_

Just as she was preparing to open her locker to change, Rei burst thru the locker room doors and was trying her best to close it. Unfortunately there were various cat limbs sticking past the door's threshold, preventing her to fully close it. Looking around she spotted a broom in arms reach and grabbed it. She then started her best to stuff the cats limbs back outside the door. "Back vile felines! Back I say!" Asuka was immediately thrown to the floor in a heap of laughter from the site in front of her. Finally able to close the door, Rei slumped down to regain her breath. Blue promptly looked up from his little "pouch" and gave Rei a small lick on the chin with a baby meow. Regaining her composure, she got up and went over to change into her swim suit.

Asuka had gotten up from her laughing fit just enough to open her locker when a small tube fell out it. Everyone looked as Asuka turned dead white as she watched the glass tube fall. Just as it was about to land and shatter on the ground a small blue blur snatched it up. Blue had traveled all the way down Rei and managed to get the tube in a matter of moments. Asuka let out the breath she was holding and grabbed the tube from the kitten. "That was too damn close."

"What is the contents of that test tube pilot Soryu?" asked Rei as she picked up Blue.

"They're my experiment from a few weeks ago. This tube is filled with nanites that give a nasty little surprise to anyone who comes into contact with them. Your little blue fur ball there saved everyone in this room a humiliating ordeal." Asuka explained.

Instantly Rei's features darkened as the thought of possibly what was happening to her might be due to these nanites and their soon to be strangled creator. "And pray tell, what would the ordeal be?"

"Well you remember what happened to Maya and Makoto right?"

An instant blush appeared over Rei's features as she remembered an incident that happened a few weeks ago…

* * *

2 weeks prior...

Asuka hated her synch tests, and today it was a marathon of them. The children had been cooped up in their plugs for hours and only given small breaks to eat or use the bathroom. _'Well this is gonna end very soon. They are gonna regret this day for the rest of their lives.' _she thought as an evil smile graced her lips. On the last break she went to the break room and emptied her latest creation into the coffee pot labeled "Bridge Bunny Carrot Pot." Only the three Nerv bridge bunnies were allowed to get coffee from said pot or risk the wrath of said trio. After twenty minutes had gone by she could hear the beginnings of her invention taking shape as Maya was the first to speak out.

"Weird, I'm starting to feel a little strange, how about you guys?"

Hyuga turned to her and nodded, "Now that you mention it, I'm feeling a little weird too."

Aoba just turned to give his response but stopped half way thru his input, "Not me, maybe you guys need… to… eat… some… uh… Makoto? Is it me or are you starting to grow breasts?"

Hyuga gave Shigeru a strange look and was about to tell him to stop screwing around when he felt it. It was a sudden weight bearing down on his chest. In frightening slow motion, he glanced down and there were breasts that would make Misato jealous. A scream soon echoed out as the first bridge bunny started to lose his mind.

Maya was in a state of shock as she watched her counter part start to grow a piece of anatomy to a state that she hadn't developed to in her 24 years alive. That was, until five seconds after that thought .

_**RRRIIIPPP**_

Looking down Maya screamed as her breasts tore thru her uniform and grabbed her jacket off her chair to cover up. "What the hell is going on?!" she yelled as she then lost her center of balance and fell over due to the extra weight. Aoba was stunned at his colleagues predicaments, as he took another swig of his coffee. "Must be decaf or something."

Ritsuko was taking in the sight of two of her staff's "growing" problem almost a little too nonchalantly. _'Maybe Misato was right, we all need to take a couple of days off.'_

Finishing that thought Misato walked into the testing chamber following the commander. "But sir it would only be for two days, and if an angel attacks I'll still come in. Please, I just want a couple days to relax."

Before Gendo could give another no to her request though, a boob bearing Hyuga ran by screaming. Following the source of where he came from, the two saw Maya with swirly eyes and a three foot tent covering her torso. All the while Shigeru was just drinking his coffee like nothing was happening. Even Gendo was at a lost for words. "granted, and make sure to create a timetable giving everyone a chance at a couple days off on a rotation. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go drink the bottle of scotch in my office." Gendo said as he turned around to leave.

Misato was incredibly confused, but just shrugged it off. "Whatever, I got my days off. Now where did Hyuga run off to? I need to know his little secret, I will not be outdone by a member of the male species!" and so off ran Misato in search of the stark mad Bridge tech.

Meanwhile Asuka was looking transfixed at Aoba thru her vid screen. _'What the hell? The nanites didn't affect him at all. Mental note: Get blood sample from Aoba.' _she thought as she continued to watch him drink his coffee like it was nothing.

* * *

Present

Rei let out a shiver as she remembered that day all too well. "You know, you would fit in with those old preimpact movies with the mad scientist right?"

Asuka just beamed a smile as she put the tube back in her locker and closed it, "Where do you think I get my ideas from?"

After what was a tiring gym session (due to the fact that the cats were willing to get wet and swim after Rei) Rei had ran back to her classroom. Again as she had tried to close the classroom door several cat appendages were trying to get in. After the locker room door incident, Rei started to carry the broom with her everywhere. "Get out! Out you little demons!" she yelled as she closed the door while pushing the cats back out. Asuka collapsed from her seat to the floor in another fit of laughter from that. Then Hikari gave a worried glance to Rei, "Hey Ayanami, where is Blue?"

As if to answer her question, the said blue kitten popped out of Rei's collar.

"Mew"

"You needn't worry about Blue class rep, He is surprisingly smart, observe." Rei looked down and placed some yen on a table and looked back to Blue. "Here is some yen, now go down to the cafeteria and get us some of those beef snacks. I need the energy boost from them. I will give you your share when you come back. Also do not use the door as the opposition is behind it, lying in wait. If you are captured, the class of 2-A will deny your existence." The blue cat looked up to her and gave her a baby meow for a confirmation and jumped down to the table. Everyone in the class was starting to think Ayanami had finally lost it telling a kitten that, but were instantly shocked at what happened next.

The blue kitten picked up the yen and started hoping from desk to desk till it reached a window. It pawed at the lock and opened the window slightly enough to fit thru. Then it started to walk the ledge in the direction of the cafeteria. Everyone was lost for words at the exchange that just took place. Hikari was the first one to break out of the trance, "What… The… Fuck…?"

"Hey class rep, you just cussed! Sweet!" exclaimed the bandaged Toji. Too bad for him the class rep just grabbed a book and threw it, hitting him squarely in the face. "YOU WILL NEVER REPEAT THIS INCIDENT AGAIN MR. SUZAHARA! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!"

A small tiny 'yes ma'am' could be heard from a wounded Toji from the back of the classroom. Rei went to her desk and sat down and looked out the windows waiting for her kitten to return. Class resumed and sure enough, ten minutes later a scratching from one of the windows was heard. Everyone looked out to see Blue standing on the ledge with a package of beef jerky between his mouth. Rei opened the window and Blue jumped onto her desk and dropped the package in front of her. She opened the package and took out two pieces, giving one to Blue and taking one for herself. She then began to nibble on the small piece as she looked out the window for the rest of the school day. Most of the students were glad it was Friday and the day was almost over. They didn't know if they could handle anymore, also with the weekend they could recover from the shock from the day.

Meanwhile in the depths of Nerv.

Gendo was not happy one bit with the report from section two. The report had stated that Ayanami had picked up a pet. He could not allow this to continue. Even though it was just a kitten, it could wreck everything he had planned. One little variable in his scenario could be it's downfall. Fuyutsuki looked over Gendo's shoulder in anticipation of what he would have to say about it. "So what are you going to do about this alteration in your scenario?"

"I will put an end to this foolishness and have the vermin eradicated. I must have Rei's full attention and can not even afford to share it, even with a cat."

'_Figures you would say that you bastard. But no, it's not going to end how you planned this time. This time, it will be my scenario that unfolds.'_

"Well I'm afraid you will not be giving out such an order my old friend."

Gendo turned his head to Fuyutsuki as if he lost his mind. "Oh really sensei, and what makes you say that I will not be giving such an order?"

The older man turned to Gendo, "Because that would interfere with _my_ scenario." He then pulled out a small object from his pocket. At first glance it looked like a simple small rectangle box with a picture of a man on the top. When Gendo looked more closely to the picture, it had a label at the top that read "Gendo Ikari." Also it looked like the picture of the body was divided into segments. Utterly confused at what it was, he never could guess what would happen to him when the old teacher pushed the left shoulder segment of the picture. All of a sudden he felt like he was being electrocuted and crashed to the floor.

"Gah! What the hell! It's like a taser! Turn it off! Turn it off!"

Fuyutsuki smiled as he released the pressure on the button and remembered the deal he made to acquire a unique item such as this…

* * *

Four months earlier…

"Excuse me, sub-commander?" A voice called out to Fuyutsuki from behind. Kozo had been just outside the door to the command bridge where Gendo was waiting on him. Turning around he came to see it had been the second child that had called out to him.

"Ah, miss Soryu, how are you this evening?"

Asuka flashed him a smile, "I'm doing great but I wonder if I could ask you for a favor?"

Kozo immediately started to sweat , knowing that whenever the second child was trying to be sweet, immediate danger was close. "Depends on what it is that you're seeking."

"Well I recently found out Nerv has a bunch of abandoned labs and such, I was wondering if I could use one of them for stuff I want to do." Asuka was again trying her best to be all cute and such. "I just have some projects I want to work on, I'll even let you have my Gendo torture device if you let me have one."

"Now Miss Soryu, I can't just give- wait, Gendo torture device?" This little bit of information intrigued the old man. Asuka smiled another of her evil smiles, _'Hook, line, and sinker!'_

"Oh this little old trinket? It was pretty simple to build for me despite having the limited resources due to not having a lab. But I'd be willing to part with it for access to a lab. I'll even give you a demonstration." She then pushed the left leg button. A second later Gendo's scream could be heard past the door. Asuka gleamed at the look of the shocked face of the sub-commander. He looked down at Asuka and instantly recognized that kind of face. It was the face that he has seen on so many business tycoons that were about to write up a contract.

"Lab on the ninth level of sector C."

"No way, too tiny. Give me one on the sixth level of sector B."

"As if, that sector is still used by Nerv personnel, can't risk it. Eighth level of sector D.

"No access to chemicals I would need in sector D. Sixth level, sector C then. No one uses that sector anymore below level three."

"Seventh level, but you must keep me updated on your projects."

"I want it classified to just you and whoever I choose. This also means no disclosure to Bastard king."

"Deal if I get a warranty for this device."

"Deal."

And thus, an arrangement had been reached.

* * *

Present…

"So Gendo, are you going to support Rei and her kitten?"

Gendo was lying on the ground trying to recover from the tasering he just received. "That was possibly the worst mistake you could have made sensei. And now I will take care of that vermin myself."

Fuyutsuki just smiled at Gendo's failing attempt at recovering from such a "shock" that he just received. "You know Gendo, I was really hoping you would resist me. You see this feature here? I am looking forward to using it."

Gendo looked up to the device and immediately paled. On the bottom of the panel was a pair of buttons. One said "left ball" while the other said "right ball." And Gendo was starting to sweat as Kozo's finger was awfully close to those buttons. With a big smile, Kozo decided to show Gendo no mercy as he pushed the left one.

"**OH GOD! PLEASE STOP! THE PAIN! GOD IT'S BURNING! NO MORE! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! STOP!"**

With a smile, Fuyutsuki let the button go and watched as Gendo kept flopping like a fish on the floor. Oh yes, this had been a great investment. Now, he had a crippled Gendo that was at his mercy.

"Dear god… it… it… god. I think… it's starting to swell."

"So dear old friend. Are you going to support Rei and her kitten? Or am I gonna try out this other option labeled 'rectum'?"

With a face of fear, Gendo began nodding his head. "Yes, I will! I swear! Just please, no more! I'll even order her to take care of it better if I have to!"

Fuyutsuki grinned, "Good, but to be honest, I didn't think you would give in very easily. I was looking forward to using this feature at least once." He then looked at the fearful supreme commander of Nerv with a devious smile. "Well I suppose a little teaser will be alright."

Soon a loud scream could be heard amongst the streets of Tokyo three.

* * *

_Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review to let me know what you think or for any suggestions or such. Next chapter: A surprise set of synch tests and Dr. Soryu springs into action!_

_Next round:_

_Surprise!_


	6. Round 6

_New chapter! I'm no longer going to give a next chapter preview at the bottom of the chapters anymore because I don't always get to that part on the next chapter I write. For example the synch tests aren't in this chapter and will have to wait a bit. It's not really my fault, it's just that I start writing one scene and before you know it, it takes half the chapter. But back to the story, I had a couple people complain about Rei and Fuyutsuki being ooc. Well for Rei there is an explanation, it's actually in this chapter with signs of a plot. And for Fuyutsuki, well when was the last time you saw someone torture somebody and be all mature and such? If you did see such a scene on TV, I'm willing to bet you turned it off or switch the channel after that. So I hope that appeases the five of you who complained about it. Now on to the story! This chapter revolves around Hikari a bit actually, so I hope you all enjoy the little change of pace for this chapter. And don't forget to review please!_

* * *

_Round 6_

Dr. Soryu At Your Service!

_**BBBRRRIIINNNGGG**_

"Yes! School's out! Now I can go to my lab and work on my Shinji torture project. Hey Hikari, you want to come and check out some of my stuff while I work?"

The class rep just gave her friend a half hearted smile. Between seeing Rei's situation and hearing of Asuka's "hobbies", the poor girl just wanted to get home and go to sleep to forget about the day. But now her friend wanted her to delve into a hurricane of insanity known as Asuka's lab? _'Sorry Asuka, but I'm putting my foot down on this one.'_ "I don't know Asuka, I uh, have to help Nozomi with her homework."

Yup, She lied…

Asuka just gave her friend a hurtful look. "But Hikari, You can just help her later over the weekend. Please?"

Hikari was starting to sweat a little from the pressure Asuka was putting on her. And looking around her, she saw she was not going to get any help from the others. Kensuke was busy video taping girls that were walking by and not even paying attention to what was going on. Shinji was preparing a first aid list while Toji was trying his best to apply an ice pack to his face. And finally Rei, she was no where in sight. _'If anyone can help me get out of this it's her, where the hell is she? I need her to reason to Asuka.'_

As if to answer her question Rei bolted past the group while gripping her broom. Soon six cats followed trying their best to catch up. And then following the group of cats was Blue, still holding a half full bag of jerky in his mouth. With a huge sigh Hikari just gave up on that potential life line. "Fine Asuka, let's go."

And so everyone parted their own separate ways. Kensuke went home while Toji went towards the nearest health clinic. Shinji went with him so he can find out where he could get the professional first aid care gear he was looking for. Hikari trudged after a skipping Asuka towards Nerv. And Rei was left running around the school yard being chased in the distance. Hikari looked back to see Rei had just came to a sliding stop to turn around. She saw Rei had gripped the broom and swung like a baseball player catching all the following cats in one swing and launching them over the school roof. Looking at Rei throwing up her fist in victory, Blue had walked up to the girl and started to paw Rei's left leg. Noticing Blue, Rei turned to her left and gave a jump before running off again. But just as suddenly, she came back to pick Blue up and started to run again as four more cats started to chase after the albino girl._ 'Well Asuka's little lab thingy can't be anymore insane than this day has been, right?' _Hikari thought as she followed Asuka, who was now listening to her prog knife again.

Poor girl, if she only knew…

* * *

Gendo Ikari was by far not a happy man at the moment. His old teacher that was standing next to him had no doubt put him in his place. He had called section two to detain him, Fuyutsuki just activated the taser remote till he called them off. He dared not try to attack the man himself again, the Sub-commander saved the rectum feature on the remote for such an occasion. And when he had threatened the old man with death, Kozo had just countered his threat. Threatening to have copies of the device given to all of the SEELE members instantly had Gendo revoke the threat. Needless to say, Ikari was pissed.

"So sensei, with this little side scenario of yours, what impact will it have on the larger scenario?"

Fuyutsuki just gave a smile at knowing what Ikari's response would be like. "Well commander, I'm afraid for you that it has completely destroyed both your and SEELE's scenario."

Just as he had predicted, the commander's jaw dropped. "WHAT?! Explain yourself now!"

With a broad smile he began to explain. "You see old friend, back when Shinji was still in his mother's womb, I had promised your wife if something would happen to her I would help keep an eye on her children. And since you had cloned Rei from Yui's DNA, that would make her Yui's child as well. It has been hard keeping my actions from you, I will admit. And had it not been that you kept Shinji's location all these years a secret, I would have done the same for him."

Gendo looked like he had wanted to kill the man before him. The only thing that was preventing him from carrying out this desire was the fact his target could easily disable him with that damn torture device. Then something dawned on him. "Wait, you said that the scenario was destroyed as in past tense. How long have you had this scenario of yours and when have you been acting it out?"

Fuyutsuki continued to grin knowing his answer would destroy Ikari's last hope of his scenario. "Well to be honest, it was never my scenario to start with, it was Yui's." _'There you bastard! Checkmate!'_

Sure enough, as this information hit Gendo's ears he began to slump down in his seat. His own wife had plotted against him and had appeared to be successful in defeating his plans way beyond her departure. "How… how long has this been going on, and… what have you been doing?"

"Since she met you she had this scenario in play. That was the main reason why she married you, to get close to you and SEELE. You thought you were a master strategist, you were nothing compared to her Ikari. She even knew you would create Rei after the contact experiment had failed. Like I said, she made me promise to take care of her children for her after the experiment failure. So whenever you had gone home for the day, I had gone down to Rei's living space and played with her. I read her stories, gave her toys, and taught her many things that would have been left out had you had your way. And with her being at a young age, she learned to hide it from you and Akagi quite well. But despite all that, influences from you and me only having an hour or sometimes less with her a day, she still didn't develop like a child should have. So I acted out this little experiment of mine. A pet will bring her about and shatter the shell you put up around her. And to make it a little easier with the responsibilities of taking care of her pet, I had her kitten genetically enhanced with extreme intelligence. Your scenario never had a chance to come to completion Ikari."

And with that said, Fuyutsuki walked out of the commander's office with a smile on his face. Knowing he had left the Bastard King in shambles and utterly destroyed, he went to let Akagi know that a special set of Synch tests needed to be scheduled for the next day.

Back to our favorite class rep and mad scientist…

Hikari was starting to get a little nervous as they walked down the empty hall. It was ill lit, vacant, and had that spooky feeling like the halls in horror movies would always give off. But despite her being weirded out, Asuka was walking like it was nothing. On the way down, she had put her hair in a pony tail and put her glasses on. Soon the duo came to a door which Asuka opened with her I.D. Stepping thru it, Asuka grabbed her tool belt and her lab coat and put them on. Hikari was stunned at how different Asuka looked, she actually looked like a scientist. Then looking around, she took in the whole room they were in and was speechless.

First off, the room was the size of the schools cafeteria. There were tables covered in science beakers and weird looking glass containers. Computers were all over the place and many work benches had weird half completed items on it. Asuka had immediately gone over to one of the bigger computers which was connected to a big screen. Turning it on Asuka started to type furiously on the keyboard and Hikari looked at the display as words were being typed so fast that she couldn't even read them before they had scrolled up and out of view.

Pausing for a brief moment Asuka grabbed a red mug that said "#1 EVA Pilot" on it and poured a cup of coffee. "You want some Hikari?" The girl just shook her head no, she was just so absorbed in her surroundings to even care. "Well while I update some stuff you can look at some of my completed works on the bench behind you. Just don't touch anything marked with blue tape on it."

Turning around, she went back to her computer and began typing again. Hikari went to the bench and began investigating it. She immediately noticed half the stuff had blue tape on it. "Umm Asuka, why the blue tape?"

"Because it can be potentially dangerous." Asuka replied as she had connected her knife to her computer.

"No I get that, but why not red? I mean red usually means danger while blue tends to mean its alright." Hikari asked. Turning around she saw Asuka just giving her a blank stare with her glasses half way down her nose. Asuka then glanced down to her Eva red mug. "Oh, it's an Eva thing right?" asked Hikari. The only response she got was Asuka turning back around and continuing her typing.

"So Asuka, how is it your so smart?"

Asuka paused a moment in her typing. "To be honest, I don't know. I know everyone thinks I'm smart when I tell them I already graduated from college. But I guess due to my age they think I just have my associates."

Hikari was starting to feel bad now herself, she had that same thought about the girl when she had said that. "So how many degrees do you have?"

Asuka paused again for a brief moment, "Well I have 4 doctorates right now. They're in biology, physics, chemistry, and engineering. I'm currently working on my computer programming, but they won't give me the degree till I attend some classes back in Germany. But despite that, I can teach more about programming then the teachers can." Hikari was stunned, people took almost half of their lives to get one of those degrees and she had four? She was truly feeling sorry for underestimating her.

Hikari looked back at the table and picked up one of the items without blue tape on it. It had looked like it was a small, thin thermos. "That's my super x-ray vision telescope. And before you ask it, no I couldn't come up with a better name for it." Startled by the sudden voice up from Asuka, Hikari looked back towards her and saw that she still had her back to her. "With that device you can literally see thru whatever you like and to a point where you want to see as long as it's within the crest of the horizon. Give it a try."

Hikari was really starting to doubt whether or not it could actually work since they were deep down underground. But rather then make her friend upset for not trying, she went along with it. She opened both ends, held it up to her eye and pointed it in a general direction. But before she could even begin to adjust it to begin seeing thru the first wall she was startled again by the red head. "His house would be to your left twenty degrees and point it down two inches."

Instantly the poor girl started to blush. '_How did she know I was going to see if I can see Toji?'_ "I just do." came the response of her friend. So taking in her friends sense of direction, she pointed and started to adjust. Amazingly, as she started to adjust she could start to see thru the walls of Nerv and soon enough saw the front of Toji's house. Adjusting it some more she soon could see Toji sitting in his kitchen with a fresh ice pack on his face. As she started to feel guilty for hitting Toji in the face with the book, her finger slipped and zoomed in slightly. Hikari instantly froze and was blushing like mad due to the device zooming in slightly past his clothes. But just as it started, it had ended as Asuka ripped the device from her hands.

"Down girl! Down!" she exclaimed. Hikari stared to blush even more furiously then before. "Umm, I… I don't know wh-what your talking a-about Asuka."

Asuka just looked at her with a raised eyebrow, "Uh-huh. You know you were standing there for like five minutes drooling right? I swear I think I might need to get one of those wet floor caution signs for all the drool you left on my floor."

Looking down Hikari noticed a small puddle had formed at the base of her feat as she wiped her mouth of the excess drool. "Heh, sorry Asuka. It was an accident." She then looked down to her feet and started to fidget a little bit. "You th-think I can b-borrow that sometime?"

Asuka raised her eyebrow a little more. "Mein Gott, you're a worse pervert than most of the boys at school! Well, normally I would say no, but I kinda owe you one." Hikari's heart started to skip a beat but then realized something that Asuka had said. "And what do you mean that you owe me one?" she asked with her hands on her hips staring at Asuka.

Asuka started to laugh one of those 'Oh crap! I'm in trouble' laughs as she started to confess. "Hehe, umm remember that time when you found that hairspray? The one that puffed out your pigtails and made you look like you had a pair of fuzz balls the size of beach balls on each side of your head for a week? Well that was one of my inventions. I was going to use it on Wondergirl but had misplaced it. Hehe, that's kinda funny, right Hikari?"

Hikari's left eye had started twitching uncontrollably upon hearing this. "That… was… you…?"

Asuka took a big gulp as she took a step back while her glasses slid down her face. "Heh, and that's why I feel "needed" to give you this as a gift." She then braced herself for the fury of Hikari. But then to her glee, Hikari gave a small, sinister smile that made Asuka proud. "I forgive you, if it's ok if I use it a little more right now?"

Asuka just gawked at Hikari and tried her best to smile at the perverted class rep.

"Uh… Sure…? But watch the drooling!"

_Well I hope you all liked this chapter! Also I hope you noticed I wasn't lying about there actually being a plot haha. Again, please review to let me know how your liking it or anything to improve on. Next Chapter: nope just kidding, not happening…_


	7. Round 7

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Next chapter is up! Sorry it took so long but I'm now updating all my stories at once so I don't leave one behind. Reason why it took so long was because I redirected one of my other stories and changed things. But that's all done so it should be good from now on! Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

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Round 7

Mad scientists assemble!

Dr. Akagi was not happy at all. First, earlier she had been given a ridiculous amount of work by the commander which he had told her that he had wanted it all done by the end of the day. Then she had Misato and Kaji interrupting her every five minutes. She swore they were doing it on purpose since they seemed to be taking turns "visiting" her. Then, just ten minutes prior, the sub-commander told her to organize a set of synch tests for the pilots for tomorrow. He had also told her to contact the pilots herself.

Getting a hold of Shinji was no problem. When she called his cell, he had been a bit happy. After telling him of the test, he had started asking her about professional medical gear. She was happy to indulge him with her knowledge. She wished more young people would try to seek such knowledge for their futures. But then when she called Rei she had gotten a bit of a surprise. The girl was panting when she called her and even was a little rude to her, asking her to 'hurry up with what she wanted'. After getting a confirmation from the girl on her test, Ritsuko heard several cat wails in the background. Then she had heard the girl cry out something about 'demons and vile felines'. After that, the line had gone dead. She just shrugged it off though, if she was in real danger section two would be there. Then it came down to calling the second child.

First she hadn't gotten her on her cell. Then she called Misato's apartment and also got no answer. After calling section two, they had told her the second child had not left Nerv yet. This had confused her, as the children had no reason to come into Nerv that day. Using her personal computer, she traced Asuka's I.D. to an abandoned lab deep in Nerv. Now she found herself walking down the vacant hallway leading to the lab. _'What could Asuka possibly be doing down here?'_ she thought as she approached the door. She slid her I.D. card and gasped at what she saw inside.

Asuka spun around and had her knife ready. Both women looked at each other for several minutes without moving. Asuka was the first to break the silence between the two. "How did you find out?"

Ritsuko looked at the young girl. If the girl in front of her had her hair color and was several years older, she would have thought she was looking at a mirror. "I needed to get in contact with you to notify you that there will be synch tests tomorrow. Section two said you hadn't left Nerv, so I tracked the last place your I.D. was activated."

The girl cringed at that knowledge. Just proved to show that you could be the smartest person in the world, and still act like a total idiot sometimes. She forgot to hide her I.D. from being traced here.

Ritsuko then started to glance around. She was visibly impressed at what she saw. "So… how long have you had this space to yourself?"

"A few months. I came to an agreement with the sub-commander. This lab has been designated to me fully legitimately."

Ritsuko nodded her head. "I see. So what exactly do you use this lab for?"

Asuka gave a curious look to her. "Different things. It varies from a lot of things, like programming to building devices and gadgets."

Ritsuko had walked up to where Asuka was sitting. She looked at the computer screen that Asuka was working on. Giving a quick glance, she gave a small gasp at what she saw. "That's the formula break down for LCL. How did you get your hands on that? Wait a minute." She peered closure to the screen as in the lower corner was a schematic for a crab like robot and statistics on it. "Are those, nanites? Impossible!? I've been working on some for the past few years, but I've been stuck on a power source problem for them."

Asuka gave a small smirk at the shocked doctor. "I've already figured out a way to condense a smaller version of an S2 organ into them. It's not a lot of power. But it's plenty enough to power a nanite for a few days without a charge."

Ritsuko gave another shocked look at the screen. "How did you get over the energy instability of an S2 organ?"

Asuka was actually surprised the doctor not only didn't get angry or feign ignorance that she was incapable of making something like this, but she had wanted insight on how she did it. "It was pretty easy, I figured a number of possibilities as to why our S2 organs were so screwy where the angels were fine. So far the nanites are ready to go but I have a problem with their casing. Their steel plating wears away after only a few hours of being exposed to the LCL."

Ritsuko looked on as Asuka brought the plans for her S2 organ up on an adjacent screen. _'My god, she can surpass me in a few years! Good thing my experience still makes me better in the fields.' _She looked back over to the LCL formula and nanite plans. She gave a smile as she had reaffirmed that Asuka may be smarter, but she still had experience on her side. "Try using a carbon plate instead. LCL is acidic, which carbon has a resistance to."

Asuka gave a quick look at her nanite schematic and began typing furiously. Akagi made a mental note to see later on who was faster at typing. After a few moments, Asuka gave a beaming smile. "Incredible! Why didn't I think of it before! You know Dr. Akagi, this could be a very beneficial relationship."

Akagi returned the smile with a nod. "I do believe your correct Dr. Soryu. You know I thought all those degrees on your file were phony or falsified. Looks like I still have some to learn about judging people. But one question. What is miss Horaki's part in all this?" As she asked, Ritsuko pointed to the class representative of class 2-A.

The girl was brought out of her stupor at the mention of her name. During the whole conversation she had been gazing thru the telescope. She wore a deep blush as she gave a week smile. "Umm… I-I think I'm just go-going to let m-myself out now. But I can say that you were right Asuka."

Asuka gave her friend a strange look. Then she noticed how the girl was standing. She currently was facing west, while Toji's house was to the north. "Suzahara doesn't have much to offer. But there is someone who does…" the girl said as she skipped out of the lab to head to the surface.

Akagi gave a confusing look to her new partner. "What did she mean by that?"

Asuka gave a look and walked over to where she was standing and had pointed the x-ray device. She looked over to where she knew Toji's house was and did some quick calculations in her head. Her eyes went wide as saucers as she realized just where she was looking at.

"OH HELL NO!!"

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Meanwhile, back to our favorite blue head…

Rei was running like she was in a marathon. The poor girl was trying her best to find a certain store while still avoiding the dozen cats chasing after her. She currently had Blue tucked away in his favorite spot as she turned another corner by grabbing a light pole to turn without losing speed. She then spotted the store and immediately came to a stop with her right eye starting to twitch. The store was three blocks away at the end of the narrow street she was on. This though wasn't the problem though, the fifty or so cats peeking out from different spots between her and the store was. _'Where are all these demons coming from? It would be considered rare to see one in a week, and here is a whole GOD DAMN ARMY OF THEM!' _As she finished this thought the cats from behind started to catch up and they all jumped at her at the same time. It was then, at this time, that the girl had enough.

She gave a snarl as she did a twisting back flip, avoiding all the cats that had jumped at her. She then landed in a crouch position and looked straight ahead. Anyone looking at Rei would feel a shiver down their spine. The girl's hair was curled up in different directions while she wore a snarl on her face. Ayanami then ground her back foot into the ground while still in a crouch, like she was ready to start a race. Even Blue decided it best to stay tucked away in his spot while his owner was going insane. Then with a roar that would rival a berserk Evangelion, she took off in a dead sprint forward.

"YOU'RE ALL GOING DOWN!"

The dozen cats that had missed her when they jumped were flung to different directions like a bowling ball had plowed thru them. That was when all the others that were lying in wait struck. As Rei reached an area where there were cats waiting, they would launch themselves at the girl. But despite having all these cats jumping at her, she did not slow down. Instead she started to dodge them all while keeping her speed. Jumping, sliding under, cart wheeling, you named it, she did it. Many spectators starting cheering her on as she ran by. She was half way there when she ran past a man sporting a beard.

The man had been non other than the commander himself. Since learning that his scenario was now no more, he just didn't care about anything anymore and decided to go home early. He turned to his left and saw that the first child was racing down the street in his direction. He felt a chill down his spine as she looked like she had been possessed by a demon or such. "Rei?" he asked as she passed by him.

In almost slow motion he saw her passed by him without even giving him any recognition. She then leaned back as a cat, spread full eagle, jumped past where her head was mere milliseconds prior. Unfortunately for him, his head was aligned with the cat's path. The cat landed spread out on his face and dug it's nails into each side of his head. An average human would be yelling or screaming in pain at this point. But the commander was so low in spirits, he just didn't care.

"I need scotch… lots of scotch…" came the mumbled reply from the commander. As if knowing where to go despite having his view blocked by the cat, he went off to the local pub.

Back to the raving madwoman, she was almost to the door when a cat finally landed on her arm. She gave an almost animalistic roar when the cat dug it's nails into her. She ripped it off and flung it away, but the damage was done. She was no longer training her eyes on the incoming cats and collided with another, knocking her off balance. She used her arm to try to right herself when another smacked into her hip. The cats had somehow came to the conclusion that if they could knock her down they could all get to her. Yet after being assaulted by several cats flinging their bodies into her, she kept trudging forward. Many would later swear it was something out of a movie, like the hero trying to get to something no matter what.

One of the store workers had spotted the girl racing towards the store and saw what was going on. He opened the door and leaned back to give the girl an access point into the store. Giving one final push off from the ground, Rei jumped thru the door while spinning around so she could land on her back. One last cat made a jump for her but she just smirked at it before she drew her leg back. "See you in hell!" she screamed as she delivered a kick that sent the cat back outside. The moment she made it thru the door the worker slammed the door shut. Rei finally landed and slid on the ground into a heap of gardening tools. She was panting hard and was bleeding a bit.

"Mew…"

Blue popped out of her shirt and had swirly eyes as he tried to get his bearings from his ride. The worker walked up to the girl with concern. "Miss? Are you alright?"

Rei looked up and gave a thumbs up to the man. "This is the hardware store, correct?"

The worker gave her a nod. "Yea, the only one in all of Tokyo-3 with everything you could possibly need for anything. Is there something specific you wanted?"

"Yes. And as much as I detest having to come here, I need full use of your store. Anything I use here can be charged toward Nerv. Do not get in my way or I'll feed you to my adversaries outside. Understood?"

The poor man just shook his head yes as he stepped back from the girl. Rei had gotten up and went first to the brooms. Earlier the cats destroyed her weapon and now she need a new one. But it couldn't be your average weapon since the cats learned to destroy her last one. She grabbed a metal one. Content with the weight, she pulled off the bristle end and headed to the welding department. _'Pilot Soryu isn't the only one who can make stuff.' _She thought as she gave a snicker. Blue went back into his hiding spot and began to tremble as his master's snicker erupted into a full maniacal cackle.

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_Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Don't forget to write a review and check out my profile for a little more in-depth summary and look into the story. Although if you've gotten this far it probably won't do you any good really. Till next time! _


	8. Round 8

_Here is the next chapter for this hilarious story! Sadly though, as I reached the end of this chapter my muse decided to take a vacation or something. This chapter just felt like something was missing, but I just couldn't figure out what. Well, hopefully my lazy muse will get off their ass and do the stuff they do. But on a good note, this story is actually getting near the end. Check my profile to vote on which story you would like to see next when this one is completed. Once this story ends, I'll post the winner on the last chapter, so vote! Vote! Vote!_

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Round 8

Rei: Warrior Angel!

**3:45**

**CRASH!**

Ritsuko cringed as another strange device shattered against the wall behind her. She then ducked as another device whizzed by her head. She wore a scowl as this had been going on for the last five minutes. "Asuka! What the hell is going on? That last thing you threw almost killed me. Now what the hell are you looking for?"

In front of her was Asuka, still in her scientist outfit, digging thru a chest of some kind. She thru another device out that looked like a fishing rod of sorts. After about ten more minutes of throwing out random inventions, she found what she was looking for. "Ah-ha! Found it! Don't know why this was down there."

She held up what looked like a small watch with a TV. on it. Ritsuko peered a little closer and raised her eyebrows. Along the top in bold yellow letters read: **Baka locator 3000**

'_Dear lord! Brains and teenage hormones should never be mixed together like this.' _thought Akagi as she saw Asuka start running around like crazy. Asuka appeared to be now looking for something else. "Now what are you looking for?"

"I'm looking for my torture device belt, it's got all the torture devices I've ever made. Now where did I put that… there it is!"

Asuka grabbed what looked like another tool belt. swapping her regular tool belt with the new one. That was when Ritsuko got a good look at it. It had looked like there were multiple TV. remotes. Then she ran over to her computer and grabbed her knife and slid it in a holster for it on the belt. "Sorry Dr. Akagi, gotta go! I'll see you tomorrow for the tests!"

Asuka took off out the door with her outfit still on. Ritsuko shrugged and kept looking around. She then decided best to leave, as she still had work to finish that day.

**3:55**

During Asuka's raid on her lab, a skipping Hikari was on her way to see a certain boy. Despite skipping along, she made an incredible dash out the Geo-front and purchased some clothes. Surprisingly she caught every light, elevator, open cashier, and train perfectly. She looked at the bag in her hands as a smile graced her features. _'I hope he likes this!'_ she thought all giggly.

"Ah-choo!" Sneezed Shinji, "I guess someone must be talking or thinking about me. Oh well, back to this." Before the boy was a full E.M.T. kit laid out. The boy was ecstatic to say the least. Surprisingly, he found that he had an attraction to this stuff much like he did to his classical music. But just as he was about to take his inventory again for the sixth time, he heard a knock at the door. He gave one last look to his new found treasure before going to answer the door.

To his surprise, the class rep. was standing on the other side when he opened the door. He wondered if she was feeling well since her face was tinged red. _'She must have a fever.' _"Uh… class rep., how can I help you?"

The class rep. started to once again fidget in place and stared intensely at her shoe. "Umm, well you see I wonder if… well… ifyouwouldgooutonadatetonightwithme."

Shinji just looked on in a shocked state. "Wait, did I hear something about me and date?"

Hikari then gave a small pout. _'Damn, this is harder than I thought it would be.' _"Well… you see, I was wondering if y-you wanted to go out on a date. I was thinking about maybe we could go to a constructive first aid class that the community college was giving. Then we could go to a nice restaurant and finish things off at the classical music museum downtown. I even got some nice clothes for you, but if you don't want to go, I-I can understand." The poor girl began to turn around when she noticed that the bag she was holding a second ago was missing. She started to look around the ground but found nothing. Then she looked up and gave a large gasp.

"Alright, I'm ready to go!" exclaimed the now sharply dressed Shinji Ikari. He was just smoothing out the last wrinkles of the dress jacket Hikari had just purchased. The class rep. blinked a few times, not believing what see saw. She looked down and saw that his old clothes were scattered around the floor. Her face started burning red as she saw he had also changed his briefs to the bikini ones she purchased for him, as his old underwear that was lying on a lamp shade was evidence of this. _'When… how… and I missed it!!' _

"Uh… ok!" she exclaimed. The pair then left, unaware that two sets of eyes had been watching them from the hallway.

"So what do you think Penpen?" Asked Misato.

"Wark!"

Misato scratched her head at the events that had unfolded in front of her. Then giving a shrug, she went to the kitchen. "Wonder how Asuka is going to react? Meh… time for some beer!"

"Wark! Wark!"

**3:59**

Back to the hardware store.

Three individuals had just checked in for their work shift. At a glance, one would think that they were three normal guys getting ready for work. This was far from the truth though. There was in fact only two men, as the third was a woman. Also they were very disgruntled, as this was all three's second job that they needed to get by.

"Hey, Shigeru. It's your turn tonight to drive home." said Makoto. Shigeru just sighed. "Why do I have to drive again? I just drove last night. Isn't it your turn to drive Maya?"

The girl in question just gave her companion a scowl. But before she could respond, Hyuga had interjected, "No way! You remember what happened last time with that bus full of nuns?"

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Last week

Maya had been the one driving the old station wagon that the three bridge techs had pooled their money together to buy. She was currently stuck in traffic at an intersection as the three were trying to get home from their second job. Both Maya and Makoto were able to return to work that day as they were finally able to recover from the "reduction" surgery. The surgery had went perfectly for Makoto as no one could no longer tell he had a part of the female anatomy that wasn't suppose to be there. Sadly, Maya's didn't go particularly well. The cheapest doctor they could afford had a reputation for being drunk while he worked. And this was true on the day of Maya's surgery. Instead of reducing, the drunken doctor thought it was a removal. Since the surgery, the poor gal had been mistaken for a man ten times. And each time, she had gone ballistic on the perpetrator. And now while being stuck in this god forsaken traffic, number eleven showed themselves.

"Hey guy! Move that piece of crap or get off the road!"

"Uh-oh." said Makoto. Maya gripped the steering wheel and broke it to pieces in her hands. "Now Maya, calm down." Makoto said as he tried his best to ease the now hostile Maya.

"GUY?! I'LL SHOW YOU!"

Ten minutes later a JSSDF squad arrived to the same intersection to find chaos. There were fires coming from cars and people scattered about. But not even they were prepared for the sight of a young adult lifting a bus full of nuns above their head like it was nothing. They couldn't get a clear look at the person's face, as the person had their back turned to the squad. Then one of their own was soon designated as the 'twelfth'.

"Wow, that dude is pretty strong."

Slowly turning around while still lifting the bus, Maya's eyes laid sight on the squad. "DUDE?!"

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Shigeru gave a nod remembering that, "Yea… those poor guys… not too mention the nuns. I wonder if that guy was able to walk again after that. I didn't think it was possible to fit someone's head up there… "

Suddenly, a fellow employee ran into the back in a panic. The woman looked like she was running from hell itself. Maya looked at the hysterical woman and started to panic a little herself. "What's wrong Mitsune? Is an angel attacking? Or burglar? Or… oh god… it's Child services, isn't!"

The poor panicked girl ran up to Maya and latched on to her leg and shook her head. "No, but there's a psychopath blue headed girl out there. She's using all the merchandise and making some sort of weapon and cheap armor or something. She already took out the manager saying she had authority from Nerv!"

The three looked back and forth to each other. Shigeru was the first to respond. "Works for Nerv? Blue hair? Does she have red eyes?"

The girl nodded her head slowly, wondering how he could have known. Makoto just gave a sigh and shook his head, "That's not a psychopath. That's Rei Ayanami, the first child. Well ok, maybe she is a psychopath, but that's kinda a requirement for Eva pilots."

The girl gave a shocked face, "You mean you know her?!"

Maya nodded her head in response. She was not too keen on the woman in front of her. Ever since she came back to work the girl had been a little too close for Maya's taste. "Yea, our first job has us being the bridge technicians for Nerv. We're all Lieutenants."

The girl let go of Maya's leg and almost looked like she had stars in her eyes as she clasped her hands together. "Oh wow! My Maya is a hero in the angel wars! Tell me they gave you handcuffs!"

"WHAT?!"

Back to the front…

Many were cowering in fear, for the blue haired psychopath was grinning. They were scared that whatever she has created, it would be their demise. One of the employees then decided to speak up, as they were all peering over a stack of fertilizer. "What do you think she's making?"

The only one who answered was Roberto, who was next to him. "Yo no sabes. La chica de la azul pelo es loco."

The employee that asked the question looked at his Hispanic coworker with a small scowl. "Why the hell are you here?! This is Japan! We're no where near Mexico!"

Roberto just shrugged as he continued to eye the crazy girl.

Meanwhile, Rei had just finished the last of her welding and stood back to admire her work. She had taken two sheets of metal and made giant looking spoons on each end of the metal broom. It also had an interlocking break in the center of the rod. Inside was five feet of chain that was retractable. She could break the lock and have a nun chuck instead of a staff. Plus if she thrusted the staff while twisting one end, it would launch off and smack into her opponent. Then she turned to her armor, which actually looked liked a cheap cosplay costume of an amazon's armor. But as long as it did it's job, she just didn't care.

Smiling like a mad woman, she donned her armor. The armor consisted of bracers, shoulder pads, shin and thigh guards. She didn't want to mess up her uniform wearing her armor, so she didn't make a chest piece. Then looking to her right, she saw a gardening accessory rack and smiled. She went over and picked up a gardening belt and put it on. "Blue, prepare to move out."

The Blue kitten came into view as he had been hauling something. Confused to what he had, Rei picked up the items and raised an eyebrow. They were two baby blue toilet seat covers. Then Blue went over and pawed the metallic spoon portion of her Anti-Kitty staff. Rei then put two and two together and gave a sigh. "Very well, but I was content with causing them harm." She then slipped the covers over the spoons to provide cushion to her victims. Blue then grabbed what looked like a metal cup and slipped it on his head. Then he ran to Ayanami and climbed up her armor into the gardening pouch.

"Mew!" the little blue cat said as he looked like he was holding a paw out to signal a charge. That was when the bridge techs came out and spotted the girl. "Ayanami?" asked Shigeru.

The girl looked at the techs and tilted her head slightly. "Lieutenants, what are you doing here?"

Looking a little hesitant , Makoto stepped back a bit, "Well, this is out second job. Nerv doesn't pay us enough, so we have to work here. And even then we had to split for a car. But hey, we manage. So why are you here and what's with the amazon thing?"

Before she was able to give an answer though, a thud and cracking could be heard coming from the front of the store. Everyone turned to the front as they saw cat after cat throw themselves into the window of the store. They were using themselves as projectiles again and were trying to break the glass.

Rei snarled at this sight in front of her. "I'm afraid I don't have time to explain. I must go into battle."

Rei then picked up her Anti-Kitty staff and twirled it around her like she was some hot shot warrior from the past. Then giving a yell, she ran for the window at full speed. Just as she jumped, the glass broke and a cat jumped thru. Everything moved in slow motion as the two were about to collide. Giving a scream, Rei spread herself like the cat had and thrusted her staff forward. The end of the staff collided with the cat and sent it flying back out by fifty feet.

(A/N: If anyone could do me a favor and make a drawing of this for me please, I would love to make this image as a background for my laptop.)

The other cats paused as the event unfolded in front of them. Rei landed with perfect grace in the street as the cat landed in a trash heap. She twirled the weapon and slammed one end into the ground. "Who's next?"

All the cats launched themselves at her. But in one swipe, Rei managed to collect them all in the cushiony spoon end of her staff. Giving a heave, she sent them sprawling against a wall. Giving a nod of satisfaction, she took off running to her apartment. Any cat that tried to get in the girl's way was treated to swift justice by her Anti-Kitty staff.

Everyone looked on in stupefied horror at the retreating blue haired amazon. The only person who wasn't had hearts and stars in her eyes as she kept gazing at Maya. "Oh wow, Role-playing! I'll be the nurse and Maya will be the doctor!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!! I'M NOT A DAMN LESBIAN!!"

**4:10**

Misato was nursing her third beer when Asuka plowed thru the door. She gave a questioning look to her charge as she was looking for something or someone. Asuka looked to her tracker and it showed that she was almost right on top of him. "What the hell? This makes no sense." Then she looked up and saw the pair of underwear that was lying on the lamp shade. She then smacked herself on her forehead for not realizing it sooner. '_Of course! She had the x-ray telescope which means she saw the transmitter that was stitched into those. Damn it!'_

"Hey Asuka? What's with the get up? Going to a Ritsuko look alike contest?" Misato asked as she smiled.

Asuka whirled around and glared at her guardian. "Where is he? I know Hikari came here and left with him. Now where the hell did they go!?"

Continuing to smile, Misato just gave a shrug. "I don't know what your talking about Asuka, when I got home, there was nobody here."

Asuka snarled at her. "Fine! You want to play it the hard way? I'll just wait till he comes home, then I'll kill him. But you're going to get yours now." She threw open her lab coat, exposing the belt she had on. Starting left to right, she started looking for the device she was looking for. _'Let's see here. Toji, Kensuke, Penpen, Ah-ha! Misato!'_

She plucked the remote looking device and gave a feral looking smile. Misato started to sweat knowing that the smile would not bode well for her. The device only had an off and an on button, but it was probably the most evil of Asuka's torture devices. She then pushed the on button and then skipped to her room.

'_Ok, I'm scared.' _Thought Misato. She then went to take another drink when her arm suddenly stopped. She tried to take a drink again when her arm stopped involuntarily once more. Misato pulled her arm back and was confused. "What the hell?"

She tried to take a drink again, but once again found her arm stopping half a foot from her face. She put the can down and looked at it. Picking it up with her other hand this time, she tried again. The same thing happened once more. Now a common thought process would put two and two together, realizing that whatever Asuka did was affecting her ability to drink beer. But this process was no where to be found as panic had settled into the woman's mind. Grabbing the can with both hands she struggled and fought to get the can to her lips. Showing incredible will power, she got the can within two inches of her mouth when her arms flew away and launched the can into the wall.

Running to the fridge, she ripped the fridge door off it's hinges as she pulled out another can and opened it. Again she found she could not get the can to her lips with all her might. "Think Misato! Think! Yes! Got it!"

She lifted the can over her head and began to tip it to pour the beer to her. But somehow, whatever was causing this knew what she was doing and stopped her from tipping it over enough to get any out. Misato began to whimper as she was now deprived of her beverage for two whole minutes now. Then in a final act of desperation, she put the beer on the edge of the table and backed away. When she was across the room, she began kicking her foot like a bull. Then she dashed and jumped for the beer, which only resulted in her crashing to the floor with the can and spilling it. She came to a rest against the wall upside down. Seeing a little bit of beer on the floor next to her face, she tried to reach out with her tongue, but her head refused to move forward.

At this point, Penpen had came out to investigate the noise. Seeing his owner in a crumpled heap, the bird just shrugged and went to the ripped open fridge and got a beer for himself. Popping the can open, he took a long drink before giving a content squawk. Misato being on the verge of tears could only whimper as her pet drank the beer in front of her. "I hate you."

"Wark!"

**4:50**

A content sigh could be heard coming from Gendo Ikari as he drowned his Sixth glass of scotch for the night. After reaching the pub he was currently nursing his drinks at, he had removed the cat on his face and placed it on the seat next to him. And despite that it had an unknown pull to a certain girl, it decided to remain next to the broken man. Gendo had even thought it was amusing as he ordered a scotch for the cat as a joke to himself. He had received a surprise when not only did the cat drink it, but it was now on the fourth drink. "I thinhk I'll caulz youz Wilbert! Hic!"

"Mee-oww." Came the reply from his new drinking buddy. Gendo then took another swig of his drink before he saw a familiar face pass by the window he was sitting by. It was Shinji, and he was currently dressed up and walking with a girl. "Muszt be on a date."

Seeing the two teenagers walk by reminded him of when he and Yui started dating. He frowned as he could hear his second in command's words echo over and over in his head. _'Since she met you she had this scenario in play.' _He wondered if she ever truly cared for him in the slightest. And he had thought he was the king of bastards, he had just turned out to only be the jester. Hell, he probably wasn't even needed anymore, seeing how it was Fuyutsuki that was truly in control. He then waved for another scotch, seeing as how his glass was empty again.

As a new glass slid in front of him, a loud racket could be heard coming from outside. He looked out again only to see a cat smack into the window and started to slide down it. Then he saw that the cat had came from the direction of a girl dressed like an amazon warrior. She was currently lashing at many cats with a strange weapon that got to close to the young girl. And despite being outnumbered, she was winning. Just giving a sigh, he downed the rest of the scotch. "C'mon Wilbert. Hic! Timz for uz to go homez. Hic!"

Giving a drunken meow, the cat jumped from the seat he was on and landed on Gendo's head. The two stumbled out the pub and went off into the night.

* * *

Meh, as many of you could see, it was the end part of this chapter that I just couldn't get together real well. Nevertheless, I could not cut this scene out with Gendo as I needed to introduce Wilbert into the story. Please review and let me know on what you think!


	9. Round 9

_Finally, an update! Sorry that I haven't been able to update regularly, but this little thing called life is kicking my ass right now…_

_Ok, first I want to say this is technically only half my normal updates because I do not have new chapters ready for two of my stories. But seeing as how it's been awhile since I last updated, I didn't want people to think that these stories are going to die. This story is actually nearing completion and should be done within 2-3 more chapters. How may you ask if there are still a bunch of angels left to go? Well, let's just say I had that covered from way back. Also, there is a new poll on my author page that will only be there for this update. The old pole will return after the set time. The new pole will close on Aug. the 20th, my time. So this is more for the loyal fans of this story. Please vote as it will decide Shinji's fate at the end of the story. I already have the three endings thought up, just seeing which one you the fans would like to see in the main story. So with that, please read and review!_

Round 9

Here there be angels…

In a chamber where no humans had ever laid eyes on, several figures were having a serious debate. "Why do I have to do this again?"

One of the figures gave a sigh as they shook their head. "Because Leliel, we need to test the humans. Now quit your damn whining and get down there. Have you even chosen your form yet?"

The first figure to speak gave a shrug, "I can't choose between two, one is a sea of dirac form or my other one."

All the figures in the room gave a sweat drop. Then one of the others finally spoke up. "You've had a millennia to choose a form, and you still haven't chosen one! Just choose one before I decide to send bardiel's head up where the sun doesn't shine."

"Hey!"

The figure known as Leliel gave a sigh, "Sheesh, calm down Tabris. I'll choose my other form then. No need for you to be all cranky. Is it that time of month or something…?"

Soon two screams filled the heavens as one of the owners of the screams had their head go somewhere where a head should never belong…

* * *

Rei opened her door to her apartment and collapsed on the ground. She was totally exhausted from her war charge against the evil varmints. Despite her apartment being only a few blocks away from the hardware store, it had taken her over three hours to get home. For some reason, her crusade against the vile critters had taken her halfway across the city. And even though she had her new armor and weapon, she was still bitten, bruised, and scratched up. Blue managed to wiggle out from underneath his owner and started to paw at her face. "Ugh… I don't want a waffle…"

Blue continued to paw his master until he finally had enough. He then wiggled back under her and began to hunt for his target. "Yeouch!" screamed Rei as she shot up. Looking down, she gave a growl to the little blue cat clamped onto her right breast. A muffled meow was heard from the kitten. The cat let go of his mouthful and crawled back into the pouch. She took off her armor and set it in a pile by the door along with her Anti-Kitty staff. She walked to her mirror and looked at her reflection. Her uniform was tattered and she had scratches all over her body that wasn't protected by her armor. She took off her uniform and threw it into the trash. _'I hope tomorrow is better…'_ she thought as she fell face first into her bed and faded away to sleep…

* * *

Shinji was exhilarated. He was just coming home from dropping off Hikari at her house from their date. The first aid class went well and the meal was at one of those high class restaurants he'd always wanted to try. All it took was the simple wave of his Nerv I.D. and they not only did they get in, but the dinner was free as well. Then he fell in love with the classical music exhibit they visited. The night finally ended with him walking Hikari home, which he received a peck on the cheek when she went inside. Yup, nothing could ruin his night. Unfortunately for him, he should have waited till he was in his room before he thought that last thought.

He then opened the door to his apartment and instinctively ducked. It was a good thing too, as Asuka's prog knife flew over the top of his head. Looking up, he saw a very pissed off red head. Then taking a closer look, he saw a very pissed off red head loading a shell into a spas 12 shotgun. He took a gulp as he met the feral gaze of a postal Asuka, "Umm, Hi?"

This earned him a low, threatening growl from the girl as she loaded another round into the shotgun. "Hi? Hi? So tell me third, is that all that you can say after you just abandoned me like that?"

Shinji began to sweat like crazy, "Umm, well, you see… wait. Abandon? What are you talking about?"

All his stammering and question got him was Asuka putting another shell into the weapon. "Don't change the subject third! Now stay still while I blow a hole in you!"

She then brought up the shotgun and if Shinji hadn't ducked again, she would have blown his head off. Shinji turned around to the giant hole in the wall and turned back to his roommate and gave her a morbid stare. "You… You actually shot at me!"

Shinji quickly recovered from the shock as the second child pumped the shotgun while giving a maniacal grin. "Misato! Help!"

"Misato is in no condition to help you now Ikari." Said Asuka as she pointed her weapon at kitchen. Shinji looked and saw Misato crying in a heap of bear cans. Turning back to the red head in total fear, Shinji began to inch his way back out the door. "Now Asuka, let's talk about this rationally now. Eep!"

Shinji ducked outside the door just as Asuka fired off another round. "Rationally?! I'll show you rationally!" Asuka yelled as she began to chase after the poor boy. She reached the doorway and saw that Shinji was already in the elevator pushing the door close button. "Oh no you don't! You're not getting away that easily!"

Asuka fired off another round from her shotgun but only to have the shot again miss as Shinji had stretched himself along the side wall. He gave a sigh of relief as the door finally closed and the elevator started going down. All of a sudden, the elevator came to a stop and a loud thud was heard from the roof of the elevator. Shinji began to panic and started to rapidly press the button for the first floor. Suddenly, the elevator shook violently, sending Shinji to the floor. What he didn't know was that Asuka had carved open the elevator door on her floor with her knife and was cutting the cables.

With a gleeful smile, Asuka cut the final elevator cable and listened to the crash of the elevator hitting the floor. She then headed for the stairs and began skipping and humming as she slung her shotgun over her shoulder. She soon arrived to a heap of metal with a twitching Shinji in the middle of it. Grabbing the boy's ankle, she began dragging Shinji through the debris and back up the stairs. Shinji was not coherent to protest, as falling down an elevator shaft for several floors does that to you.

Asuka kicked open the door to the apartment dragged in her valued prize. She came to a stop in the middle of the living room as she saw Misato constructing something in the kitchen. Whatever it was, it's frame was made of a metal cylinder and was being made in front of the now door less fridge. Giving a shrug off, she continued to her room and threw Shinji into it. She then got out some chains and a padlock and began to strap him to the chair in her room.

"There we go." Asuka said as she clicked the padlock close. Giving a final look over and content with her work, she crawled into her bed and fell asleep while hugging her shotgun as if it was a teddy bear.

* * *

Ritsuko gave a happy content sigh as she walked the halls of Nerv while taking a sip of her coffee. Her evening last night went perfectly. First, she had seen Shinji and a girl from his class entering the community college for a first aid seminar. Just thinking how the young adults were so focused on their futures put a pep in her step. Then she reached her favorite Chinese restaurant and caught everything fresh and delicious. Then as she walked home, she spotted a drunkenly smashed Gendo which earned her a lot of laughs. Then waiting on her front door was a package that she had been waiting for months to receive. She was ecstatic to learn that her final piece of her I love kitty collection had finally arrived. Yes, she had sat in her collection room the rest of the night while drinking a very expensive wine that she had found in the bottom of a cabinet.

Ritsuko gave another content sigh as she pushed open the door to the control room for the synch tests. As she walked in and expected all the pilots ready to go, she received the opposite. She dropped her cup of coffee as she could already begin to feel the start of a massive migraine coming on. Misato was curled up in a fetal position murmuring something about beer gods or such. Asuka currently had Shinji at gunpoint with a shotgun while the poor boy looked haggard and very nervous. Rei was no where in sight, and the other two pilots were fully dressed and not ready to start their tests.

Ritsuko rubbed the bridge of her nose as she gave out a sigh. "Guess this is to balance out last night. Whatever, where's the first child?"

As if answering her, a small, blue haired body fell out of the air conditioning vent and landed with a thud right in front of the doctor. Looking at the person, Ritsuko could feel a vein on her forehead begin to throb as it was Rei that had fallen out of the duct. "Alright everyone! Explain yourselves one at a time. Starting with you Asuka, seeing as how I don't want Shinji to say anything that might make a giant hole in him.

Asuka gave the doctor a slight scowl as she began to pet her weapon. "Let's just say, he's not dating any other girl for awhile."

Ritsuko groaned at the highly immature, yet more likely correct, answer. "Fine. Ok, I know why Shinji is how he is, but what about Misato?"

Asuka gave another grin, "Well Doctor Akagi, I had to test out the nanites somehow."

"And you first child? What's your story." asked the doctor.

Ritsuko raised an eye brow as she had finally gotten a good look at what Rei was wearing. She had on her normal school uniform, but she also had on what looked to be armor on. There was also a strange looking stick on the ground by her while she wore a small pouch on the front.

Rei groggily stood up and winced at the new slash that she had acquired on her journey to Nerv. She then patted her uniform/armor of all the dirt and dust she collected before she decided to turn to Ritsuko. "Currently, I have been the target of many of the felines in the city. I have had to undergo extreme measures, as you can see, in order to fend off the vile beasts. I constructed armor and a weapon to aid me on my crusade against those foul beasts. I intend to rid all of Tokyo three of them, except Blue of course."

Ritsuko then raised her other eyebrow at that. "Blue?" She asked.

Rei then dug into her pouch and produced a happy looking, blue kitten. As she held out the kitten, the tiny blue cat raised up it's paw and gave a greeting. "Mew."

Ritsuko froze in place as she stared at the kitten. Not a single noise was made as the two stared at each other, with the exception of Misato's whimpers. All of a sudden, the doctor threw up her hands and gave a squeal as she scooped the blue cat and started to smother it. Poor Blue gave his master a pleading look to try to save him. But all he received from the girl was a shrug, letting him know he was on his own. While this was going on, Ritsuko was rambling on about the kitten she was squeezing to death. "Oh my god! Your just the cutest thing! Who's a cute kitty?! You are! You're a cute kitty! Your so beautiful! I love how you have a blue coat! I want to just snuggle you up! Yes I do! I just want… to…"

She paused in her rant as she looked around and noticed everyone staring at her with strange looks. She was frozen in place as she had the kitten's cheek smooshed into her own. "What?"

Everyone just slowly walked away to their own respective places while they mumbled various things. She even heard a mumble of "freak…" from Shinji. Rei then walked up with a blank stare and snatched the kitten in a quick swipe. She then turned around on one foot and began walking away at a slow, yet pronounced pace. The only people left with her in the control room were the technicians and Misato. Straitening herself up and trying to salvage what little dignity she had left, she walked over to a desk and opened a drawer. After searching for a bit, she found what she was looking for as she pulled out a small metal flask. She then returned to Misato and knelt down to her. Taking her head onto her lap, she started to give the poor woman a drink from the metal container. As Misato finally came out of her anti-drunk coma, she was again able to speak. "Ritsuko? What's going on? Umm, I know we're friends and all, but I don't think we're that close…"

Akagi gave a sigh as she stood up while letting the now revived woman's head hit the floor. "They don't pay me enough for this crap."

* * *

Shinji began to sweat like he had never done so before. Half of his mind was wanting to run, while the other half wanted to entice Asuka into using her shotgun on him. But one thing was for certain, both parts came to the same conclusion.

"Umm, A-Asuka? Y-You ca-can't really m-mean…"

He heard Asuka pump her shotgun and then felt the barrel press into his back. "Get moving Ikari!"

Shinji gave a final gulp and shakily put his hand on the door and gave it a push. Soon he was bathed in the fluorescent lighting belonging to the woman's locker room. He then felt a jab of the shotgun into his back again, prompting him to enter. "Get in!"

Hesitantly, Shinji walked in and was given directions to travel the maze of lockers in the room. Finally, he came to a stop in the middle of a row of lockers. All the lockers were the same color except two. The one on his left was red, while the one on his right was blue. Asuka and Rei then stepped up to their lockers and began to open them, oblivious that he was still there. But just as he was about to pass out from the thought of the two girls undressing with him right in front of them, Asuka turned back to him.

"Don't get any ideas baka! I'm just making sure you don't sneak off with someone, got it! Now no peaking, or I'll blow off your little friends there. Now, **Turn away!**"

Startled at the intensity of the last command, Shinji did one of the worst things he could have done. He turned around from facing Asuka and saw the bare back of Rei Ayanami. But before he could pass out from the sight, a growl and pumping of a shotgun caught his attention. He then turned to the right and paled as there was a giant mirror at the end of the hallway. He not only saw Rei's and Asuka's breasts in the mirror, but also how the girl leveled the shotgun right at his crotch. Giving a yelp, he turned to the final direction he had yet to faced, only to begin to despair that there was another full length mirror at the end of the locker hallway. Once again, he heard a growl letting him know he was probably going to need prosthetics for that part of the region very soon. He turned back to Asuka and received an eyeful. But just as she was about to pull the trigger, he came up with the perfect idea to close his eyes shut. Unfortunately, this didn't save him much.

"Oh no you don't! Open them up! I don't want you mentally violating us!" yelled the angry girl.

Shinji then began to cry silently as he was coming to terms that he was going to be missing his friends very much. But just as he was about to say his goodbyes to them, the angel alarms sounded. He looked up to the ceiling and mouthed a thank you as he was saved. Cutting off his relief, Asuka turned the boy to the entry and gave him the boot out. Stumbling/running out, Shinji found the exit and rather than head to the male locker room, he just headed for the cages. As he passed by the male locker room, he could not help but feel a shiver run down his spine…

"C'mon Shinji, where are you?" asked a nervous class rep. She tapped her foot as she took another look at herself in a mirror inside Nerv's male locker room. She gave a giggle as she looked over her kimono and made sure the parts in it showed that she was not wearing anything under the kimono. She began to hum as she fidgeted with her hair and prepared herself for the boy…

Shinji gave a sigh of relief as he entered his entry plug. Until he had locked himself away inside the comforts of his plug, he had this odd feeling that there was a trap laid for him somewhere. Finally, a video feed opened showing him an image of Misato and Ritsuko. "Ok, Shinji," said Dr. Akagi, "We haven't gotten any information on the angel, so when we launch you three take cover till you come into visual contact."

After receiving a confirmation from Shinji, she began asking about the other pilot status when she gave an odd look at Misato. She was still standing there with her arms folded looking over the technicians. "Umm, Misato? You sure your going to be up for this?"

After receiving no answer, Ritsuko approached her and waved her hand in front of her face. Still not receiving a response, she decided to poke the operations director. What she was not expecting was what she thought was Misato, was actually a cardboard cutout of Misato falling over. "Damn! Must be slipping."

Ritsuko gave a yelp and jumped two feet in the air as the real Misato was right behind her. "**What the hell are you doing!?**"

Misato gave a blank stare at her friend as she was holding an armful of chips and junk food. "I haven't eaten since yesterday. So I kinda went and got something. Usually no one finds out that I'm gone."

Ritsuko could feel her eye twitching uncontrollably. "And exactly, how many times have you done something like this during an emergency?"

Misato Looked up in deep thought as she began to count. "Well, pretty much during all the staff meetings and such. But during actual angel attacks there were only three times that I've stepped out like that."

Ritsuko began to hyperventilate at hearing this. Then giving a scream, she twirled around to the computer consoles and slammed her head on one of them. Misato just continued to stare at her friend, "Uh, I also got you some Twinkies."

Without saying anything, Akagi grabbed the yellow cake from her and ripped the package open. She began to nibble on the yellow cake as she was still simmering at learning such a thing.

"Ma'am, units zero and two are now ready to launch with unit one." Maya said. Misato then put a hand on the technicians shoulder and gave a nod while holding an open bag of chips in the other. "Alright, Evas launch!" Misato yelled. Without looking, Misato slapped away Maya's hand as she was currently trying to get into her superiors chip bag.

Misato watched as the Evangelions reached the surface and take cover. Shinji currently had a hand gun while Asuka had an axe. But before Rei could reach her weapon storage, her Evangelion froze. Misato saw Rei's face through the video feed and could see her eye twitching. "Rei, what's wrong?"

Misato received no answer from the girl as she continued to stand there. Misato was starting to be concerned at the first child's actions. "Asuka! Shinji! Get a visual on Rei! I want to know what the hell is going on!"

She then heard two confirmations as the two children willed their Evas to Rei's location. Asuka was the first to arrive and also froze when she reached Rei. Then a small snicker could be heard from the second child. The snicker then grew to a giggle, then a laugh, then finally a full out bellow of a laugh. She grabbed her sides as she began to even cry from the amount of laughter she was experiencing.

Shinji finally reached the spot and a giant sweat drop formed on his head as he began to shake his head. Misato was still waiting on what was happening. "Damn it! What's going on?! Someone give me a visual on what the hell they're looking at!"

Aoba began typing furiously as he was trying his best to fulfill her request. "Visual of target in five… four… three… two… and done."

An image of the angel soon appeared on the main screen of the command center. Everyone looked on in stunned silence at the form of the latest angel. Ritsuko had hearts in her eyes as she eyed the angel. "It's…"

Misato grabbed another handful of chips and tossed them into her mouth. "a big…"

Shinji scratched his temple as he eyed the creature in front of him. If he had any guess as to what was about to happen, he was feeling sorry for it already. "giant…"

Rei began to ground her teeth as her hair began to curl in different angles as she began to breath heavy and deep. The feral look in her eyes was unlike anything seen as of yet as she eyed the angel. She then gave a growl at the poor being, as it was about to feel pain unlike anything should ever feel. "**CAT!**"

_Hope you all like this chapter! I know I left it a little cliffhanger there at the end, but there was a reason for that. The main reason is because the next chapter will be a lot of ass kicking, so I wanted all the ass kicking together. Hope you all liked it and I will try to update sooner than this last time. Till then, please review!_


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